Letter of Apology


Dear friend!

I am sorry!
How can I tell you that I’m sorry when you are not here?
How can I tell you that I understand that I made a mistake when you don’t listen?
How can I tell you that I realize I was acting without thinking about ALL the consequences when you block my tries of communicating with you?

What can I do?
I could write messages and letters, one after the other, hoping that one will get through – but that would be just as offensive; pushing my desire on you.
I could call you time after time hoping you will hear me – but that would be just as annoying to you; entering your privacy.
I could ask another friend of yours to pass my apology on to you – but that would be abusing that friendship for my selfish wish; forcing another person to help me for my own need.

I can not
Undo the actions I did; I can only not repeat the ones that were wrong and led to this.
Unspeak the words I said; I can only ask to forget and forgive those that hurt.
Unthink the thoughts I had; I can only try from now on to have more control over my thoughts.

I do not want you to think that I want to push you into communicating with me again; I accept that you don’t. It is your way of acting now.
I do not question your action; I try to understand what happened that made you act this way. It is your way of showing me my mistakes.
I do not judge you or think bad of you for doing what you do. It is your way of being yourself.

I am the one that hurt my self.
It saddens me to realize I have done wrong and not to know how I can tell you this.
It makes my heart ache that I didn’t notice when I was acting on my own desires without thinking how others and / or you might see it.
It depresses me not knowing how and if I am able to reach you to say I am sorry for all that happened between us.

Hope is all I have.
Hope that I can find a way to reach you to tell you that I’m sorry.
Hope that one day you will know that I have learned from my mistakes.
Hope that I will get another chance once more and not do the same mistakes again.

Deep in my heart
I feel love to you for all that you are to me.
I feel sorry for what I have done so unthinkingly.
I feel hopeful that I will learn even more from this incident.< /p>

Life just goes on.
No matter if I can reach you and tell you that I’m sorry.
No matter if I know that you forgive me.
No matter what else will happen because of this.

Forgive me;
For all the wrongs I have done;
For not saying I am sorry right away;
For being so slow in learning on how to control my desires.

I accept:
That you might never want to communicate with me again,
That you might have even erased me from your life and memories,
That you might never be a part of my life again for what I did (or didn’t do when I was expected to do it).

With all the love and forgiveness and hope that I have in my heart and mind
I write this letter to you. My wish to you is all the best in your life.
I will patiently go on with my life; ever learning.
If one day we meet again, it will hopefully be a new start for both of us.

From a friend that had a lot of time to think about our relationship and what came between us.

Written middle of August 2008;
with great hesitation and courage the same time;
not knowing yet if this is another mistake;
but taking the chance to say what is in my mind and heart at this time.
May this be something everyone can learn from.